Once upon a time, Veruca Salt screamed for an Oompa-Loompa and got what she wanted — until the garbage chute. Today, her clones run several oil-rich nations. They wear keffiyehs, berets, or thobes, but the foot-stamping remains exactly the same.
“I Want $100 Oil — NOW!”
These aren’t governments. They’re tantrum management facilities. Leaders wake up, check Brent crude, and if it’s not high enough, they channel pure Veruca: “I want triple-digit prices! I want it immediately!” Never mind that such levels would supercharge EVs, efficiency, and demand destruction. Details are for peasants.
Venezuela: Champion Foot-Stamper
Venezuela takes the gold medal in Veruca-ism. The Dear Leader treats PDVSA like a personal chocolate river. “I want full subsidies forever! I want ghost employees paid! I want to nationalize everything and blame America for the empty shelves!” Result? Collapsed production, hyperinflation, and millions fleeing. Why fix anything when screaming is easier?
Nigeria: The Annual Naira Faceplant
Nigeria funds 70-80% of its budget with oil and still sets budgets assuming $120 prices. Then acts shocked when reality arrives. “I want endless fuel subsidies! I want unfinished infrastructure! I want it NOW, even if pipelines keep exploding!” The people get inflation. The elites get Swiss accounts. Perfect Veruca math.
Algeria & Iraq: Same Script, Different Accents
Algeria demands $110+ oil to keep public wages and subsidies flowing. Iraq needs nearly $90 just to pay salaries and militias. “I want reconstruction! I want security! I want everything without touching patronage!” The garbage chute rumbles louder every year, but they keep stamping.
Gulf Royals: Fancy Verucas
Even the smarter ones caught the bug. Saudi Arabia’s breakeven climbed toward $90–96 because Vision 2030 needs shiny desert cities yesterday. “I want NEOM! I want entertainment cities! I want diversification while keeping the old rentier promises intact!” They have sovereign wealth funds as parachutes, but the core demand stays: high prices must return so the party never ends.
Russia: The Cold-Weather Veruca
Russia adds imperial flavor. “I want European markets back! I want high prices to fund the special operation! I want sanctions to vanish!” Never mind that buyers are building LNG terminals and renewables precisely to escape petulant suppliers. When prices drop, blame the West. Always.
The Magical Geology Delusion
What unites them is simple: they won the underground lottery and decided the world owes them a lifestyle. Demand elasticity? Conspiracy. EV adoption? Temporary. Market reality? Fake news invented by greenies. They set spending on optimistic prices because admitting the social contract is unsustainable would require actual governing. Tantrums are so much simpler.
“I WANT!!!” vs. Cold Reality
These leaders know $120 oil is self-defeating. They’ve seen the 1970s, 2008, and 2014 cycles. They understand high prices accelerate the technologies that shrink their market. Yet political survival demands short-term largesse. Cut subsidies today and face protests tomorrow. Better to borrow, print, or draw reserves and kick the can.
Rentier Logic at Its Finest
No need to tax citizens properly, so no need to listen properly. Just distribute oil money and demand loyalty. When the golden ticket fails, double down on production cuts, conspiracy theories, and louder demands. The global Oompa-Loompas — shale drillers, renewable engineers, and frugal consumers — simply adjust and move on.
Heading Toward the Incinerator
One day the Great Glass Elevator will open. Venezuela is already halfway down the chute. Nigeria and Algeria teeter on the edge. Gulf states have better safety nets, but even they risk a nasty landing if they keep demanding the impossible.
The moral? Entitled children with oil wells are still entitled children. They can nationalize, cartelize, and scream at markets all they like. Gravity, economics, and technology don’t negotiate with Verucas. Sooner or later, Reality escorts them to the exit.
And somewhere, the Oompa-Loompas are humming:
“Veruca Salt, dear Veruca Salt,
You demanded oil at any cost.
Now the world moved on without you,
And your golden ticket’s been lost.”
